There is always an interplay between moving forward with change and holding steady. Not only does it play out in the overarching culture of the world but also in smaller community, religious, and relationship entities. But the most personal, most impactful, and most difficult interaction between change and holding steady happens inside each one of us. We have a desire for learning and connection, a curiosity of the world around us, and an innate drive for ‘something new’—except when we don’t feel safe. Safety is our default system—our primitive brain takes over when we are threatened by anything—real, triggered from a past trauma, or imagined. When that happens, curiosity, compassion for others, learning, connection, and openness get shut out from our brain and body until we feel safe again. 

Holding steady is a form of safety, as are ‘the law of the land,’ guardrails, rules and norms, order, and peace. They help us get our bearings and feel safe, so we can be in the here and now with those around us instead of in the throes of fight, flight, or freeze. Change and holding steady are not opposable values and actions. Holding steady—safety—is the foundation from which we can be compassionate, be curious, learn and do new things. Safety is a personal parameter—nobody else can determine whether we feel safe or not, though there are plenty of responsibilities that parents and other adults have in keeping kids safe. It behooves us to become aware of our own boundaries of safety. Do you know what makes you feel safe, steady, open, and peaceful? Bring more of that into your life as a daily practice. Are you aware of who or what brings unfounded fear and stress to your life? Whether it’s talking to a constantly complaining (and often frightened) friend or relative, listening to the tv news or an inciteful podcast, or even that frightened, negative voice in our own heads, try to reduce the amount of fearful exposure. No matter what has happened—in our collective past or our individual past—there is space for safety, peace, and renewal. And from that safe space, we can find a place to heal, grow, and connect with others.

Read July 2022 Article